Confidence is "sexy," and being confident is more about how you feel and less about how you look. Confidence is knowing you are "sexy" in your uniqueness. Confidence is knowing your past doesn't define you and you are better than your past negative life experiences. Confidence is knowing your life experiences are unique to you, and your past trauma and abuse can teach you about yourself when you allow it to. How do we allow it to teach us? You learn to share your story authentically with others who may be hurting, and sharing your story helps you with learning to love those broken places within yourself. If you are standing here today, you made it through, and that's to share your story and inspire others to believe they can make it too. Once you own your story, it no longer has power over you, and you become confident in your uniqueness.
When you are confident in your uniqueness you possess the following 3 things:
Self-love = being confident in your power
Desire = being confident in your preferences
Value = being confident in your unique significance
I struggled for years, not being able to accept love from others because I struggled to love myself. As a child, I never received the proper love, guidance, and nurturing every child needs to develop a healthy love of self and others. Never receiving the proper love, guidance, and nurturing left me confused on how authentic divine godly love should look and feel. I’ve spent the past 14 years learning to be the mother I needed when I was a child. I’ve learned how to properly love, guide, and nurture myself and the wounds of my inner child. The more I implement this practice into my life, the more I heal the childhood wounds associated with my PTSD. As an adult, I mimicked the relationships I saw growing up as a child, only to realize in 2015, everything I knew about love and relationships was abuse, control, manipulation, and unhealthy for my mental health. These relationships triggered me to remember the wounds of my inner child and I often experienced symptoms of PTSD. In my journey of healing I learned how abuse and trauma were the roots of my low self-esteem and low self-confidence and how the symptoms of PTSD kept me bound in fear and why I lacked trust in not only myself but in others too. I was constantly on high alert and fearing others wanted to hurt me in the same way I experienced hurt in my past. I wanted to gain control of the relationship out of my fear of being hurt again in a relationship. I’ve spent the past 5-years providing my inner wounded child with the proper love, nurturing, and guidance she needed to develop a healthy love for herself and others.
It took me years to learn how trusting another human being is the highest expression of love. It says, “I trust you to take care of me, but if you don’t, I'm confident and know how to take care of myself.” Sometimes taking care of yourself means walking away from one-sided relationships where they take more from your mental health than they give. A healthy relationship is two people taking the time to love, support, and nurture each other, but we can only experience these types of relationships when we begin the process of healing our internal wounds and restoring the confidence of the child who experienced the wounds associated with PTSD. Whatever we fail to heal within ourselves gets dumped into the universe in the form of abuse upon ourselves, our families, our communities, and humanity. If we desire a healthy relationship with others, we must be willing to develop a healthy love of self. When we develop this love for ourselves, we learn to love other imperfect humans as themselves. You have everything you need on the inside of you to become the healthiest and greatest version of yourself, but you never received the proper love, guidance, and nurturing it takes to harness the power of consistency and desire. You were abused and it broke the confidence you needed to believe in yourself and the creative power you possess within. Your dreams are tangible and when you restore the confidence of your inner wounded child to the original state of love and wholeness, those dreams begin to manifest.